tests for priests

I would like to propose to the office of the Papacy, to the Catholic Church and its ‘internal affairs ministry’ (whatever they have), to conduct two types of tests amongst priests, where the tests will be carried out be external researchers/examiners.

The first test should be given in the beginning of priests’ schooling, as part of their entry examination.
The test should have more or less the following research questionnaire:

1. Have you ever had sex?
(If yes):
a) with a man or a woman?
(If no):
b)have you thought of ever having sex before you enter the seminary?

2. Have you ever watched/read/heard/ indecent/obscene content?

3. How did that make you feel?
(if, yes to 2)

a) aroused
b) disgusted
c) confused
e) other __________ (please, elaborate with your own words)

4. What do you think of same sex marriage?

d) other ___________

5. Do you think Jesus ever had sex?

a) I don’t know
b) yes
c) no
d) I don’t care
e) other____________

6. If yes, do you think that was wrong?

a) no, the times were different.
b) yes, it was wrong but God forgave him.
c) I don’t have an opinion.
e) other____________

7. Define sex
a) it’s sinful
b) it’s a biological need
c) it’s right only if it’s with the opposite gender
d) it’s right, only if you’re not applying to become a priest
e) it’s none of the above
f) I don’t know
g) other_____________

8. Do you know how your parents made you?

a) yes
b) no
c) other (other?)_____________

9. Please, indicate your gender

a) male
b) female
c) other

10. Please, indicate your sexual orientation

a) don’t have one
b) heterosexual
c) homosexual
d) other (is there other?)__________

11. Do you think that ( you can mark more than 1 answers)

a) atheists are an inferior group
b) sexually active people are sinful
c) if certain groups of people stayed in their place, we would have had fewer problems
d) some groups of people deserve better life than others
e) the world would have been a better place if Catholic priests were allowed to get married
f) the world would have been a better place if homosexuals didn’t exist
g) your own statement?_______________________________________________

12. Do you agree with the following statements? ( you can mark more than 1 answers)

a) Catholic priests have never committed a sin
b) Catholic priests have committed sins but they work hard at being forgiven
c) Catholic priests are horny but the religion doesn’t allow them to do anything about it
d) Catholic priests are just doing their job but there are opponents to the Catholic church who try to frame its servants into wrongdoing
e) I have no opinion
f) I have no idea what I’m getting myself into
g) a person broke my heart and I want to find resolve, that’s why I’m here to become a priest
h) I love God and want to be his servant forever because I hate all other people and want to have nothing with anyone, especially intimately

Questions about yourself

1. please, specify your exact age_________
2. any previous qualifications/schooling___________
3. current personal income_____________
4. your political inclinations_____________
5. time period of your interest in becoming a priest___________(give a proximate number of years)
6. your future professional objective(s)_________________
7. where do you currently reside?
a) own house
b) own apartment
c) rented place
d) sharing place with roommates
e) other ______________

8. Do you suffer from any physical or mental illness? (please, specify)
9. Do you have a hobby?
10. What is it?
11. What is the last book you read? (besides the Bible)
12. Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Second examination should take place with a similar questionnaire when the priests have at least 10 years work experience in priesthood
The questionnaire instrument will go along the same lines as the one above, with slight alterations to the following questions:

1. Have you had sex?
(If yes):
a) with a man or a woman?
b) with a minor or an adolescent?
c) other______________

Questions about yourself

1. please, specify your exact age (now)_________
3. current personal income (now)_____________
7. where do you reside now?
a) own house
b) own apartment
c) rented place
d) sharing place with roommates
e) other ______________

Personal opinion questions:
1. Define priesthood
2. Define childhood
3. Define sex
4. Define your role as a priest
5. Define your role as a human being
6. List the things you are missing now and how you cope with that depravity
7. List the things you don’t agree with – there must be something
8. What was the last book you’ve read?
9. Who was the last person you helped and how?
10. Define sin

I don’t want to be mean.
I think research and scientific experiments might help in finding out certain glitches in the Catholic religion.
I find so many incompatible things when it comes to religion.
Just a stupid one: would I ever, as a mother, allow my 1-year-old to play with a sharp knife?
Then, why would God allow someone to play with a bomb…if he loves us all.
It’s a stupid one, but that’s where things mismatch.
If God loves us all, why kids die as I speak?
To stop that is beyond God’s powers?
Because we carry the original sin?
Because things are out of control and he’s given up on us?
Is that what I have to teach my kids?
Why does He allow priests to molest children?
Cases in tiny Malta all you want – the media follows up on a couple as I type. For whom the church claims no responsibility.
Well, of course.
Why would they.
They’re not married …’in good and in bad…in sickness and in health’…

What am I supposed to teach my kids then?
Trust the priest, darling, but don’t let him touch you inappropriately.
And the priests can get away with that quite well.
“Stay still, my child, this is what God demands of us all.”
I can vomit at the thought.

I think if we’re to be guided and preached by priests – the representatives of almighty, sinless God – we should test their qualifications well before we allow them to do so.
Meaning, they should go through some really thorough research for sanity and mental health before and after they’ve qualified as priests!
And not by internal priest supervisor.
But by a qualified sexually-active, normal human beings.
Doctors and psychiatrists, preferably.
The questionnaire above hints the direction in which the tests should steer.

And make examinations anonymous, as much as possible!
And, and, require an oath from each respondent, before they begin to fill up obediently, like the servants of God they are.
Get those qualifications and then let them go near our children.

I’m confused about religion because of those who preach it.
Especially now that I’ve got kids of my own.
Still haven’t figured out how to come about that one with them.
I know not all Catholic priests are bad.
And I have a wonderful example to give.
But there are ten times as many examples to scare the hell out of me, too.
Any insight for a possible approach?

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